Let's say Jane is participating in a community bakesale at the local mall, for which everyone makes cookies. They do this with some regularity, and there are other tables around the mall where other communities are also selling baked goods. Jane is excited about her community and wants to help attract as many customers as possible, so she spends a lot of time trying to bake great-tasting cookies and wrap them prettily in sparkly green cellophane, as she has done for several sales in the past.
The day before the sale, she meets with some of her community friends and worries aloud that perhaps she hasn't baked enough cookies. Their response is, "Well I'm sure you would feel better about it if you didn't wrap them in sparkly green cellophane." To which Jane is like, "Huh. That's not what I was talking about." And the response is, "Well, you must see how vulgar it is. No one else is wrapping their cookies in sparkly green cellophane. It's like you're trying to make the rest of us look bad."
Jane is a bit stunned by this, as she of course never intended anything of the sort, and points out that the mall is a busy place, and she just wanted to catch the eye of passers by so that they might stop at the community table and be more likely to buy cookies. After all, selling more cookies benefits the whole community, and not just Jane. "Well I don't think I agree with your logic," is the response. "I sincerely doubt that anyone would be attracted by sparkly green cellophane. I certainly would not" But Jane is the sort of person who *would* be attracted to sparkly green cellophane, which she explains.
And then she is told, "It just seems like you want people to think your cookies are better than everyone else's, since yours are the only ones wrapped that way." Jane is feeling pretty depressed and battered at this point, but attempts to point out that everyone knows that you can't judge how cookies taste by how they are wrapped and that other people could wrap their cookies in sparkly green cellophane too if they liked. No dice, that's not the community norm, and could you just get with the program, Jane?
Analogy over.
I know I sound defensive, but I can't help but feel a bit attacked. I honestly have been feeling very hurt by all of this. I waited a couple of days to reply, because I was trying to get ahold of my emotions. I probably failed. And I'm sure to the extent that I somehow hurt others' feelings that me feeling hurt is simply my just desserts. But it does take away all the joy I had had out of posting these recs, and all over something that feels so very small potatoes.
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Let's say Jane is participating in a community bakesale at the local mall, for which everyone makes cookies. They do this with some regularity, and there are other tables around the mall where other communities are also selling baked goods. Jane is excited about her community and wants to help attract as many customers as possible, so she spends a lot of time trying to bake great-tasting cookies and wrap them prettily in sparkly green cellophane, as she has done for several sales in the past.
The day before the sale, she meets with some of her community friends and worries aloud that perhaps she hasn't baked enough cookies. Their response is, "Well I'm sure you would feel better about it if you didn't wrap them in sparkly green cellophane." To which Jane is like, "Huh. That's not what I was talking about." And the response is, "Well, you must see how vulgar it is. No one else is wrapping their cookies in sparkly green cellophane. It's like you're trying to make the rest of us look bad."
Jane is a bit stunned by this, as she of course never intended anything of the sort, and points out that the mall is a busy place, and she just wanted to catch the eye of passers by so that they might stop at the community table and be more likely to buy cookies. After all, selling more cookies benefits the whole community, and not just Jane. "Well I don't think I agree with your logic," is the response. "I sincerely doubt that anyone would be attracted by sparkly green cellophane. I certainly would not" But Jane is the sort of person who *would* be attracted to sparkly green cellophane, which she explains.
And then she is told, "It just seems like you want people to think your cookies are better than everyone else's, since yours are the only ones wrapped that way." Jane is feeling pretty depressed and battered at this point, but attempts to point out that everyone knows that you can't judge how cookies taste by how they are wrapped and that other people could wrap their cookies in sparkly green cellophane too if they liked. No dice, that's not the community norm, and could you just get with the program, Jane?
Analogy over.
I know I sound defensive, but I can't help but feel a bit attacked. I honestly have been feeling very hurt by all of this. I waited a couple of days to reply, because I was trying to get ahold of my emotions. I probably failed. And I'm sure to the extent that I somehow hurt others' feelings that me feeling hurt is simply my just desserts. But it does take away all the joy I had had out of posting these recs, and all over something that feels so very small potatoes.